Summer Survival Tips

power struggles create stress

Now that I have your attention I’m sure that little voice inside your head is probably saying something like this, “It’s no wonder why there is a problem with our generation of kids- they have no consequences.”

“Tina YOU ARE WRONG!” 

Here me out! There is a method to my “madness”.

As human beings we are programmed to naturally look for what’s wrong in situations.  When there is something “wrong” we need to find quick solutions. When it comes to raising our kids this usually shows up in the form of consequences for inappropriate behaviour or actions.

But really….how is that working for you?

It wasn’t working for me either. 

I had a situation last week where I said to my daughter, “Lexi, I’m not impressed with your attitude towards me these days”.

Her reply was this, “Yes, I know mom. You tell me every day. But, this is my room and if you don’t like my attitude then you can leave. The door is right there”.

This statement was coming from an 8 year old- not a seventeen year old!!!!

You’re probably wondering how I handled it- well it was a parenting fail! I laughed and walked out the door. I couldn’t believe it. How dare she speak to me that way. Right?! So then I walked back in and told her she was grounded from her tablet and if she kept it up she was going to lose tv privileges too!

Yay me- I won right?!

Not really.

This was a “No win” situation. I felt horrible and she was left feeling resentful and I’m not ok with leaving any situation like that. So I had to clean that up. As parents, we can make mistakes and clean it up- after all we are human! 

I’ve learned some super ninja Jedi skills to use with all the people in my life and I want to share one with you today so you don’t engage in power struggles with anyone. NOTE!!! Even though I have these skills, sometimes I slip up too. We all do. That’s ok though. We keep practising until we master it!

Instead of consequences create agreements with the people in your life. 

You want your kids to clean their room.

Here’s how to make that happen;

Create an AGREEMENT between you. 

Co-create the consequences for breaking the agreement.

It’s not one sided parents. If you have an agreement and you break it there has to be a consequence for you too! 

You have an agreement with your kids to put their dirty clothes in the laundry hamper and guess what happens if they don’t- YOU GUESSED IT, their clothes don’t get washed!

You can create agreements with all the people in your life.

You don’t need to engage in power struggles anymore!

Power struggles are a no win situation

Kids want to be heard, valued and respected just like we do. If their behaviours are triggering you, look inside of you for the reasons why you are getting so worked up. There is no prescription for parenting but when you come from a place of love and mutual respect without the need to be “right”, your kids will start listening and following through.

Now, what does this have to do with your health?

These power struggles create stress and stress is not good for your health! We all know that.

This little trick helps you to keep your cool and not over react to situations that really drive you crazy. You become proactive instead of reactive! Imagine the freedom in that!?

You got this!

If you find yourself overreacting a lot and creating a lot of drama when it comes to your kids or relationships, then let’s connect. Health is not just about the food you are putting in your mouth. It’s about the thoughts and actions you create on a daily basis! You don’t have to be stressed at work, home or in your relationships. Just because it’s always been, doesn’t mean it always has to be!

xo

Tina

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