It’s 6 am and I look at my clock. “Ugh. I should get up and exercise. But, I’m so toasty in my bed.”
6:30 am and my alarm goes off. “Ugh. I should have exercised. I’ve been feeling like crap. Exercise would have helped me sweat it out.”
The kids are up now, no time to exercise. “Ugh. Why didn’t I just get up. I should have better morning habits.”
I look in the mirror at my racoon eyes. “Ugh. I should take off my make-up at night. Why can’t I just find the time to do that. Seriously? What is wrong with me?”
“Mom, where’s my track shirt? I need it today! Did you make my lunch? Where are my black pants? I have nothing to wear today!”
“Ugh! I should have made lunches last night. Now we are scrambling. I can’t even have a 5 minute shower in peace. I should have done the laundry last night. What was I thinking? Now my kid has nothing to wear. Seriously? What mother does this? I should get my shit together?”
Wait a minute. Does this sound familiar?
You wake up and the first thing you do is “Should” yourself?
If you pay attention to the “should’s” you might notice that from the moment you wake up until the moment you hit your head on your pillow at night, you “should” yourself and you “should” others. You know what that “should” is- right? A giant finger pointing at you- judging you and shaming you and guilting you.
A “should” is a rule you make for yourself. You make those rules and then what happens when you don’t follow them?
You beat yourself up mentally.
Let’s rewind and replay this scenario. This is a flash of what could be instead of what “Should” be.
It’s 6 am and I look at my watch. “Wow! I’m up before the alarm. Great. I’ll get my workout in before the kids get up. This might help with the cold I’ve been battling”.
I look in the mirror and laugh at my racoon eyes. “One of these days I’ll take my makeup off before bed.”
The kids are up. “Mom, where’s my track shirt? I need it today! Did you make my lunch? Where are my black pants? I have nothing to wear today!”
“Your track shirt is where you left it. Look for it- you’re 9 years old. Make your lunch and I’ll check it when your finished. Remember: One fruit and one veggie or no treats. I’m sure if you look you have lot’s of options in your drawer of what to wear. If not, let me know the night before so I can do laundry. I don’t know if you don’t tell me!”
I finish my shower, get ready and we sit down to eat breakfast together and then we are off.
The first scenario- I am a failure. I am a horrible mother. I am looking for everything that’s wrong with the situation. I beat myself up and want to crawl under the covers and go back to bed and avoid the world.
The second scenario I wake up feeling energized and more motivated to take on all that life throws at me. I don’t sweat the small stuff and I certainly choose not to beat myself up. All because I took out the word “should”. No judgement, no failure- it is what it is! That’s all.
In my health coaching practice, I help my clients understand why it’s hard to change their habits and how to set them up for inevitable success. I help them interrupt negative patterns of thinking and replace them with positivity and empowering thoughts. I encourage them to take control of their lives so they can feel their best- always! I open the door to new ways of being that make their lives easier and way less stressful!
How can I do this…years of research, investing in myself, reading, practicing, and trial and error in my own life. We are all a work in progress but having someone who has “Been there and done that”, makes our lives a lot easier.
If this scenario resonated with you- believe me you are not alone. If you think your negative thoughts are holding you back message me today to uncover what is available for you to let your best ight shine- not only for you, for your whole family. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary.
Changing negative thought patterns that are holding you back is tough, but with the right system, support and accountability it could make the difference of living an ordinary life to living an extraordinary life!
F .E.A.R- Face Everything and Rise or Forget Everything And Run
The choice is always yours.